Tom Segura's Famous Neighbor | Bonus Jokes Removed from Netflix

I moved recently because of you nice folks I could I could buy a nice house and I'm very thankful for that um and yeah thank you I bought a house in a neighborhood though that I think is too nice you know like it kind of reminds me of a store there's two you ever walk into a store and like right away you're like I should leave like when you get there I feel like there's some whenever they offer you something to drink in a store that's a sign you know some stores you walk into and they're like would you like still or sparkling water and you're like I left something in the car I'll be right back but well I mean all my neighbors they're like investment bankers and partners in legal firms and then I'm there like Dewey to ask or what do you do man you know and they're like thanks for buying a house it's great to have you here's what's Wild a current or former United States Senator I shall not say whom lives in my neighborhood everybody talks about them I know which house is his I'd never met him now I'm home from tour and I decide to start my day with a morning walk a casual walk you know I have some coffee let's get the day started I go for a walk I walk past his house he comes outside I don't say anything right but he yells out he goes hey are you the comedian I go yeah he goes where do you think the term motherfucker comes from hello it's nice to meet you I go I don't know he goes you think it's from people doing that I'm like fucking their moms and he goes yeah I go I don't know he goes how many people do you think do that I go more than you want it to be and he's like meow then and I am not making this up I could not make this up he says to me how about daughter fuckers I go first of all that's not an expression that anybody uses right no one's like check out this crazy daughter fuckers over here I go if you have Kings we can talk about them but not like this I don't like this at all he goes yeah and he just turns around and walks into his house I'm like what the fuck was that? So I keep walking just contemplating every mistake I have ever made that led me to that conversation and now I'm walking home so I walk past his house again he comes back outside he goes hey I didn't want to end like that that was weird it was he goes I thought about it and a motherfucker is not somebody who fucks their own mom I go oh do tell he goes a motherfucker is someone who fucks your mom he goes That's the most disrespectful thing anyone can do so if somebody is particularly rude you call them a mother fucker and I go wow I am so impressed that you put that together so quickly I can see why you may or may not be Ted Cruz and then I walk away thank you oops